Timeline: In Progress, Continuing through June 2001
Ascertain goals: Through January 1998
- Plot, plan; firm strategy
- Begin initial spread of visibility: spread the Good Word
- Watch for signs from the Goddess: seek oneness and guidance
- Gather information on the Beast, known in this realm as Bill Gates III
- Celebrate the Last Human Christmas
Strengthen movement: January 1998 - October 1998
- Seek out the Chosen: recruit Believers, that they may be Saved
- Develop Intelligence Matrix Testing: prepare to weed out the Unfaithful and the Lame
- Scout for those who may have already been contacted by the four-legged emissaries of the Goddess: bring together the Already-Enlightened
- Escalate offerings to all Cats: earn the favour of the Goddess through her familiars
- More kitty treats
- More catnip
- More Scratchings of the Magical Kitty Spot Just North of the Tail
- Let 'em sleep on anything they damn well please
- Above all, deference to the Will of the Cats.
Infiltrate Society: October 1998 - December 1999
- Move the chief minions into positions of societal power: win friends and influence people
- Position key minions in direct opposition to the Beast: undermine his stranglehold on technology capitalism by infiltrating likely corporate foes such as IBM and Apple and the US Justice Department
- Begin administration of the Intelligence Matrix Test, and kill off anyone who fits in the following categories:
- Talks on the phone in the car
- Hums/sings while wearing headphones
- Is a Microsoft snob
- Uses HTML editors to produce so-called websites
- Votes Republican
- Parks the car in 2+ spaces to prevent dings and scratches
- Owns musical recordings by: Blues Traveler, Journey, the Dave Matthews Band, Yanni, Michael Bolton, or any circa-1970s disco group
- A Cat in Every Home by the Year 2000: spread the Eyes and Ears of the Catgoddess to take in the live of each earth mortal
- Spoil said cats shitless
Defensive Emergency Pre-Plan A: December 31, 1999 - January 1, 2000
- Assume the Kiss-Your-Ass-Goodbye position at midnight New Year's Eve and hope that Year Two Thousand computer fuckups don't destroy the world before the Cult of the Catgoddess can get around to it
Squeeze the Fist of Power Tight: January 2000 - September 2000
- Get Catgoddess Cult minions elected to public office in places in the world where that's possible; overthrow non-democratic and resistant regions' governments and install minion dictators (Third World countries, Southeast Asian island nations, Antarctica, the state of Texas, and Pittsburgh).
- Enforce nocturnalism: As the Cats shall be, shall we.
- Go at every existing church or worship facility of the Cult of Christianity with orange paint and begin official, mandatory worship of the Catgoddess
Countdown to Apocalypse: September 2000 - June 2001
- Chief minions of the cult will generally raise hell, exercise their misanthropic tendencies, and otherwise tweak the strings of societal complacency. Goal: create an unspecified but deep-seated psychological need in all remaining members of society for a Better Place; butter them up for their demises and have fun doing it.
The End of the World as We Know It - June, 2001
- Watch for the Great Kitty Condo in the Sky, which will come behind a large comet in the northern heavens, and surrender our shells so that we may all at last be at one with the Catgoddess, in our purest forms, shed of the constraints of mortality and society at last.
