Quiet, please - let us have a moment of silent reverence for the Orange Triumvirate. These three Cats, the Most Sacred and Omniscients Garfield, Pixel, and Quaalude, are the Interpolators of this the human world and the higher plane ruled by the Catgoddess herself.

The Cats are the secrets to the ruling hierarchy of the universe. Cats are the only beings which may cross freely between the plane of the Catgoddess and the human world. They know all of the Destiny of the human world and the Ka of its inhabitants. They hold the wisdom of the ages in their very paws. They are, for this, to be respected at all times. But it should also be remembered that really, in the grand universal scheme of things, they are only minions of the Catgoddess herself.

How can I use this to my advantage, you may ask. The secret to getting into the Glorious Good Graces of the Orange Triumvirate (and all other cats, who are to the Triumvirate what the many angels of heaven were to the Archangel Michael) is Pleasure. If you directly stimulate the pleasure centers of the Cats, you will have them, however fleetingly, at your utter mercy. Such stimulation can be acheived through such means of the Offering of Catnip, the Sacrifice of Tuna, the Scratching of the Magical Kitty Spot Just North of the Tail, or similar ploys.

A word to the wise: this manipulation must be subtly and skillfully executed. The Cats do not take kindly to being taken for fools, and you will be scorned by them if you appear to think for one moment that you are superior to them. And woe is he incautious enough to let his machinations be discovered by the Catgoddess. Love her Power; fear her Wrath.